So here we were in Devon, all fudge and huge cream teas,
we have to take it easy as into whites we squeeze.
We've been this way one time before, so opposition quake
"Oh not that lot from Shropshire, the liberties they take!"
"They whoop and shout upon the green, they argue 'bout the law
they'll even take their clothes off if they think it'll help their score!"
Our Mike did all the work again, to him we sent our thanks
the same's not so for Trevor though, as all our cash he banks!
The weather's been quite changeable, but I don't make a fuss
that shower on the green, it isn't rain - it's only us.
Whatever nature slings at us, come rain or hail or shine
with Trevor in our party we know the outlook's "fine"
We brought our new Club Captain - he thought it was a whizz
that Michael had arranged the hotel name to be like his.
The similarity didn't end there, there was no difference at all
the hotel's also windy, and very, very tall.
The Kitty at South Molton, was won by Alan Ghaut
his rink was heavily backed because his game has little fault.
But I and Sandra Palmer know the message he often sends
that ones and twos win matches, while threes and fours win ends!
Alan P. was first with Chalkie, keep him with you at all times we said
but Sandra drew the final line when it was time for bed.
So Chalkie had to stay upon the bedroom chair all night,
the sights he saw so frightened him they turned him chalky white!
My wife came with me this year, she'd heard about last year
she really needn't have worried, I behaved myself my dear.
If other people tell you that that really isn't so,
I remind them I have photos, that I may be forced to show!
The toilet in our room is now electric says the sign
it seems quite odd, but then again, it must be by design.
I worry as I sit there, letting nature come to pass
'cause I don't like electric shocks, especially ... in my bathroom!
Now Dave's behind the wheel again, we know him from last year
so some get paralytic, while others quake with fear!
He's really not all that bad, his skill we will defend,
by telling all and sundry that he drives us round the bend.
Geoff Britland went to have a bath, but he was out of luck
he wiggled left and wiggled right and found he was quite stuck.
I'll tell you why he worried, if I may make so bold
he thought his private parts would shrink if the water all went cold!
Our Beryl and our Pauline got trapped within the lift,
it stuck halfway between the floors, it really wouldn't shift.
It was a sticky problem, they couldn't be faint-hearted
they neither dared to say a word in case the other ... feinted!
On Saturday our President was Captain for the day
he takes it very seriously, we all knew what he'd say.
"No sex before the match", that was the price we'd have to pay
we'd have to keep our strength up, so at our best we'd play.
And etiquette demands it too, you know it isn't done
to make the opposition wait while you're off having fun!
And though the tactic worked out right it gave the girls a fright,
when the lads all came home singing "Way-hey, tonight's the night!"
George Peake - he won our Chalkie, though his rink all did their stuff
they won, but found that wasn't nearly half enough!
And Cyril went to see the head, but then felt such a prat
came back to bowl to find ... his oppo'd moved the mat.
We tried once more to line-dance, like last year all again
our steps were not together, nor were they all the same.
We danced it to a record called "Achey, Breaky Heart"
the men all looked like ponces, and the ladies looked ... quite smart!
Now those who skipped the disco missed something they'll regret
a sight that's quite amazing, a sight I'll not forget.
Our Sylvie danced like Tina, all legs and bum and breast
there can be no denying, she is ... simply the best!
Last year I wrote a poem about a wonder wood,
that Grenville bowled at Swansea - in awe of him we stood.
This time his play is not so hot, it really isn't cricket
and if he wins another stick, he'll tell you where to stick it!
The end is fast approaching, of the tour and of this ode
it'll be another 12 months until we're on the road.
We played up well, and had some laughs, let host clubs all recall
that they were fun, that coach-load, that came from Lilleshall.
And now this verse is over, I hope it's given you fun
if not then you can shove it - where shineth not the sun!